Fracture
by Your Faithful Servant
Summary: A lingering pain and an x-ray confirm it. It turns out that Robin's forced apprenticeship under Slade had some unforeseen consequences. One even Raven cannot fix. Well, at least he isn't paralyzed, right? Unfortunately, optimism isn't really working. [Rated T for language]


The way Raven froze as she looked over the x-rays, Dick knew it wasn't good.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The question hung in the air like a dense fog. Though they both knew of its existence, asking it would make it real. Asking it, he knew, would change everything.

"What's wrong?" he asked almost casually, and the fact his voice didn't break was astonishing. If not for the feeling of heavy rain clouds in the air, it almost seemed like it could be an ordinary conversation. Dick was a lot of things, but cowardly wasn't one of them. Despite that, fear still rose in his chest, wasps buzzing in his lungs, stingers sticking out of his sides. Just because he was brave did not mean he was not afraid.

"It's…" Raven was not cowardly either, so that hesitation was even more concerning. The tension in her shoulders relaxed. God, it really wasn't good if she had to calm herself down.

"...You have a fracture in your spine," she said quietly. "Honestly… you're lucky you aren't paralyzed. The pain… it's probably not going to go away."

Something inside of Dick just sank, because god damn it got so bad sometimes… like Slade's fists were still landing, iron boots still kicking, that sharp pain like knives echoing in the throbbing of his back. He was strong, had to be modified somehow because how else could he hurt him so badly, _make him scream so loud_ \- But he just took a shaky breath, and nodded.

"If I… If I had the ability I would heal you, but…" Her calm features twitched. "It's a complex part of the body with lots of nerves and… If I mess up, I could make it much worse. You could end up paralyzed."

"I understand." His eyes were still closed, hiding the hysteria building inside. It was stupid that he was attempting to keep it internal, however. Raven could feel it.

"I can help with the pain, but it might be better to get some medication from an actual doctor. And taking it easy for a while might be a good idea too."

His eyes finally opened, light blue pupils the palette of the calm before the storm. "Thank you, Raven," he replied, standing. The pain from that was easy to mask in that hidden panic.

"And this…" he began to add after a moment. He didn't need to be a mind reader to guess what she was thinking. The pain she was feeling... "...This isn't your fault, or any of the Titans'. And the fact you can't do anything about it isn't your fault either." The truthful tone darkened to something hateful. "...There is only one person to blame for this…"

The hard thud of his boots faded away as he left the tower. This was just between the two of them, and he didn't have to tell her aloud. He paused and looked down at his phone, the fingers hesitating over Bruce's long forgotten contact. _New Message_ , he pressed, and for what seemed like forever he typed, spilling about that lingering, awful pain and Raven's diagnosis, and how he felt about it. Ten minutes later, he walked again, not waiting for the buzzing in his pocket. He'd have to consider it all, because once he made a decision… He'd have to stick with it. There was no going back.

Break the silence and ask for help? Or deal with this all alone? _Again_?

Maybe he should have asked for help with Slade. He wasn't fucking stupid. From the start, he knew he was outmatched. But then again, he had beat him, hadn't he? He and the Titans had won. Without Bruce's help at all.

Yet, it did look like Slade got the last laugh. Even if he didn't know he had, and probably never would. But in x-rays and pills and doctor's visits, Dick would never forget. Sitting in the nearest fast food place, he knew. _This is my fault_ , he thought. For not trusting the Titans. For getting himself into this mess. For getting so obsessed he'd barely slept, losing countless hours pouring over papers and replaying videos and looking for clues in nothing. This was his own fault. _I can't go running back, can't complain because of my own mistakes. This is my mess. I don't need his help._

 _Maybe I don't deserve it._

"Besides, it's just pain," he says aloud in an attempt to assure himself, his voice raw with emotion. Trembling. "It's not like- it's not like I'm paralyzed. I'll live." Traitorous tears stung at his eyes, and he swallowed back a broken sob. It wasn't just his spine that was fractured, was it-

Shaking, his finger tapped the screen.

 _Message deleted._


End file.
